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I attended my first ever High School reunion—decades post graduation! I didn’t know why I was going this time. Some part of me wanted to go “back to the future”. The prospect of sharing our stories and our dreams for our futures appeals now. It wasn’t easy to match vague teenage memories to now adult faces. Nametags helped find old confidantes -- most now had more than one last name. No time for deep or earth-shattering conversations. No past loves sweeping me off my feet. Just warm confirmation that we are still standing after all this time. We reached across time, joyfully returning to yesteryear’s fold…dipping in to re-source for the journey ahead. Every time I’ve moved on, I’ve left my past behind. For the most part I’ve been the one to ride off into the uncertain future on my own steed. Now I get to go back and pick up the threads to weave my life tapestry together.
Dropping back into our sweet past gives me pause. Revisiting my adolescent “tribe” is an unexpected wake up call. Riveting and propelling at the same time. I am reminded that we can’t afford to ignore the future.
Time is elusive. Our definition of success has changed. We yearn for more meaning in our work and lives. What matters most resides in our tribal connections. In John Denver’s words, “It’s all about you and me, together.” My reunion confronted me with a raw reality: “WE” are no longer in the dugout or sitting in the bleachers cheering from a safe distance. It is we who are now up to bat. We have become the “deciders” of the future we live and leave behind. What drives me in my work is knowing that most of us are not equipped to respond to the quicksilver changes ahead. Do you and I have what it takes so we aren’t left in the past holding on to what was and unsure of what is? Some tribes come and go. If you’ve ever moved from one school district to another or from one company to another, been divorced or moved around the world leaving friends you thought you’d have forever, you know exactly what I mean. Other tribes last a lifetime. But they are harder to find and sustain. Some like my high school graduating class serve as a mirror of where we’ve been. Over the years I’ve been in and out of lots of “tribes”. Thankfully I’ve become more discerning and faster at sorting out the keepers. Or perhaps just too impatient to stick around when it’s not quite a “fit”. Recently I did a U-turn from a nascent professional trade association when it became clear that the rules of engagement were still stuck in the prevailing old paradigm of ‘power over’ rather than ‘power with’. It sure is true that actions speak louder than words! The good news is I’ve honed my inner tuning fork so it resounds as I approach a new tribe – either it alerts me to imminent danger or sounds an ‘all clear’ when its safe for me to venture forward. I’ve become so self-caring that I know when to move on from tribes I’ve out grown. I hear similar tales from clients and colleagues. A mid-fifties top entertainment lawyer new to country life finds small town politics far more treacherous than anything he’d faced in big city deal making. A 40 yr old corporate hot shot cringes when she speaks of her long time company tribe. Fed up with meaningless and ineffective change efforts, soured by friendships evaporating over promotions and deal making, and beaten down by tokenism to the max, she’s ready to move on. Ever so carefully we’ve redrafted their criteria for tribal membership. Now they venture forth highly selective, equipped to navigate what’s ahead. This time a new tribe will be a match made-in-heaven! Can you say the same?
P.S. I’d love to know your thoughts on “tribes” and your memorable reunion or holiday experiences. Share this feature with a friend
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